If you're voting for Obama because Biden is on the ticket...I don't even have a zinger for that...you're just a fucking idiot.

David Letterman + Rachel Maddow. Sounds like the start of a lesbian porno, right? The real question is, who wears the strap-on?

Oh, Lawrence O'Donnell, I'll take a shot. I'll punch you right in the vagina.

An apple bumper sticker above a marriage equality (or whatever the hell the blue and yellow "=" is) bumper sticker. So telling.

If you don't like cilantro in your rice, don't come to Chipotle and order rice without cilantro. That shit's amazing, and you slow down the line by being picky.

Hot air balloons are gay.