Just saw a midget with hiccups. Why is that so funny?!

E85 gas is now a whopping 11 cents cheaper than regular unleaded. Bet you're really glad you bought that flex fuel vehicle now, all you envirodouches.

Just because you wear cowboy boots, doesn't make you a cowboy, douche bag.

There's something quite gratifying about running into a hella-liberal former classmate who's working a dead end job, and watching them cower in my presence.

To the guys who insist on blaring their rap music while they fill up with gas: when I rule the world, I will tie you to a chair and blare Celine Dion at you.

Watching two dykes make out in front of the parents of the dyke who's not pretending she has a dick makes me want to slap both said parents.

Checking your email on your iPhone while standing at the urinal isn't efficient, it's fucking douchbaggery.

Deer. Four of 'em. Right next to my corportate office. In the middle of the city. Where the fuck is my rifle when I need it?!

I can't be the only one that thinks Debbie Wasserman-Schultz looks like a pissed-off bull-dyke. I think she's just in denial.

You would think that the IRS would pay postage for a return envelope they've enclosed in a notice that you owe them money. Fucking (greedy people).

Yep. Soccer is still gay.

Apparently Obama was seen buying his daughter a copy of "Brave New World" while vacationing in Martha's Vinyard. Figures. I fucking hate that book.

To the fat guy working at Subway: If you would turn down the fucking music, you wouldn't have to ask "What?" every time I say something. Dumb ass.

Strongly considering telling the over -caffeinated kid in front of me at the ballgame to kindly shut the fuck up.

The Dow is down 500 points today. Change we can believe in.

I would love to be in the room for the debt talks. If Boehner and Cantor can make Obama storm out, I'm pretty sure I could make the fucking prick cry.

Am I the only one that thinks a synonym in Word for the words "Joy Bahar" should be "annoying bitch"?